Gurl, i need your love.

"If Only"

2006-08-28T03:51:00.000-07:00

"I'll Cast Myself Away."

If we ever say we'll never be together and in the end you waved goodbye. You're gone before i even realise it. A relationship that has been hanging on just by the will of you and me. Now its ending right before our eyes. I'm mute, i'm dumb. I wish i had a time travel machine, whereby i could go back in time to stop myself from casting all those insensitive mistakes and definitely those time where i lost my temper.

I wish i could use this button in Real Life.

All i wish is to amend all my stupid mistakes that i have made which ruined this relationship.

This might be the song that you wish to listen now.

Marion Ravens
"Break You"

I was your girl
Gave you my world
My everything
But you wouldn´t see

I had your back
I backed you up
Whatever I did
Was never enough

Just you
You
That's all you ever thought about
You
You
No one matters like you do
What goes around comes around
You should know by now

Bet you never thought that I could break you
Did you think that I would look the other way
Yeah you had it all figured out
But tell me who's the one who's crying now

The palm of your hand
That was your plan
Gave me no time
But now you want mine

It's all about take
You took too much
Nothing inside
I'm all used up

Come on
You
You
Nothing else matters like you do
You know what I'm talkin' ‘bout don't you
What goes around comes around
You should know by now

Bet you never thought that I could break you
Did you think that I would look the other way
Yeah you had it all figured out
But tell me who's the one who's crying now

On your one night stands(should've thought about that)
Says she's just a friend(should've thought about that)A
re you satisfied now?(should've thought about that)
Cause you can't hold me down
Not now
I wanna thank you ‘cause now I'm free
I can breathe again and I'm never going back to you

Bet you never thought that I could break you
Did you think that I would look the other way
Yeah you had it all figured out
But tell me who's the one who's crying now
Yeah yeah

Bet you never thought that I could break you
Did you think that I would look the other way
Yeah you had it all figured out
But tell me who's the one who's crying now

I hate this lonliness within me. All those fond memories are flowing back. I wish i could hold you now, tell you how much i love you but i cant. I simply cant.

Exams are near, study hard. 061106-101106 I'm on my leave, if you still want me to fetch you, feel free to ask me. I'll be more than willing to do so. Good night and take care of yourself.

2006-08-24T08:32:00.000-07:00

My Pizza.

Pearlyn's Pizza.

Cos' I'm invisible.

2006-08-07T08:48:00.000-07:00

So i'm 3rd. Alright. I'm 3rd.

Story of my life
Searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
Cause it seems that wrong
Really loves my company

He's more than a man
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
The clouds are rollin' in
Because I'm goin' again and to him
I just can't be true

And I know that he knows im unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I'm happy with some other guy
I can see him dying

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be.... a murderer

I feel it in the air
As i'm doin my hair
Preparing for another day
A kiss upon my cheek
As he reluctantly
Asks if i'm gonna be out late
I say I won't be long
Just hangin' with the girls
A lie I didn't have to tell
Because we both know
Where I'm about to go And we know it very well

Cause I know that he knows im unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that i am happy with some other guy
I can see him dyin'

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be.... a murderer

Our love... his trust
I might as well take a gun
And put it to his head
Get it over with
I don't wanna do this anymore anymore

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
And I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be.... a murderer ...a murderer

its painful to know that you're not the first in her heart when she tells you that you're 3rd. its painful.

good night.

Girl you're every women in the world.

2006-06-22T04:09:00.000-07:00

21st june 2006

i dont know what to say. i dont know what to tell myself. i feel so empty right now. i've lost her. she's going and never gonna turn back. even thought now i've changed. i can see and feel the changes within myself. i'm hardworking now, patient, responsible, i dont need people to remember things for me. I thought that once i've change things would go back. why am i so stupid? one time after another, she gave me chances to change but i just wouldnt. now that she's left my side, does it matter whether i've change? i dont know.

every moment im thinking of her. "Girl you're every women in the world to me", i love this song. i would want to dedicate this song to her. i want to let her know that she means so much to me. now that she's left, i'm devastated, lost, upset, losing interest and hopes. i just feel so low. i stayed awake for 12 hours last night, thinking why why why.

i'm really lost without you.
if we ever say we'd never be together, in the end you waved goodbye.

everytime i try not to think of you, it just gets worse. i miss you more everytime i think of you. i'm deprived of your love. deprived of the power which made me hold on through my most difficult times. you picked me up when i was wreck. now that you're saying goodbye, how could this happen?

i keep trying to find my way,
all i know is im lost without you.
i keep trying to face the day,
all i found is im lost without you.

everywhere i go, i just feel so lonely.

1923h

i'm lost without you.

2006-06-10T21:12:00.000-07:00

i'm trying to forget, trying to deny, trying to run. but how much i do, it never gets wash away. those memories left themselves in a place in my heart. they wouldnt want to leave. i keep trying to find my way, all i find is i'm lost without you.

Delta Goodrem
"Lost without you"

I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes
A little righteous and too proud
I just wanna find a way to compromise
I believe we can work things out

I thought that I had all the answers
never givin in
but baby since you've gone
admit I was wrong

All I know is I'm lost without you
I'm not gonna lie
how am I gonna be strong without you
need you by my side
if we ever say we'd never be together
in the end you wave goodbye dunno
what I'd do im lost without you

I keep trying to find my way
and all I know is im lost without you
I keep trying to face the day
I'm lost without you

How am I ever gonna get rid of these blurs
baby I'm so lonely all the time
everywhere I go I get so confused
your the only thing thats on my mind
On my bed so cold at night
I miss you more each day
only you can make it right
no I'm not too proud to say

All I know is I'm lost without you
I'm not gonna lie
how am I gonna be strong without you
I need you by my side
if we ever say we'd never be together
in the end you wave goodbye
dunno what I'd do
I'm lost without you

I keep trying to find my way
and all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day
lost without you

If I could only hold you now
make the pain just go away
stop the tears from running down my face (ho)

All I know is I'm lost without you
I'm not gonna lie
how am I gonna be strong without you
I need you by my side
if we ever say we'd never be together
in the end you wave goodbye
dunno what I'd do
I'm lost without you

I keep trying to find my way
and all I know is im lost without you
I keep trying to face the day
and all I know is I'm lost without your love
I keep trying to find my way
and all I know is I'm lost without you (ho)
I'm lost without you

2006-06-07T07:53:00.000-07:00

My Immortal - Evanescence

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along.

not even 2 tapes worth.

2006-06-07T07:34:00.000-07:00

it took me 2 tapes to know how much im worth.

i'm not even 2 tapes worth.

I'm back! (:

2006-03-04T19:02:00.000-08:00

Hey guys, im back. After so long thou xD. Life's great now, im contented but it can be better. Its been really quite some time since i last posted. 6months in the army already. Now im no longer in the "army" side, i've been posted to Navy as a BSC (Base Security Company) personnel. How should i put it, life's slack there. Everynow and then, i'll miss everyon when i'm doing duty. Especially Ms. Special. Here's a poem a wrote . Chill guys~

Tears that I’ve never cried,
were left in me till I die.
Words that I’ve wanted to proclaim,
are truth that cannot be denied.

For all I want is the beautiful you,
the one whose undoubtly irresistible.
As my heart beats faintly through the dreadful nights,
missing you creates a whole new empowering might.

Searching for an answer in the deepest pits of my heart,
i found the sorrows to discard.
Humming the tunes of the Love MOON Flower,
my heart goes wildly ponder.

Ever since my love have blossomed once again,
every bit of my love is fine as grain.
Folktales are yours to believe,
but my love is yours to receive.

Silence of the lonely nights,
brings me forth a place with no light.
Fairytales have always been foretold so beautifully,
but the unrelenting reality is yet so grimly.

This poem is for you Ms. Special. Cha neh.

Sweetie.

2005-07-30T01:06:00.000-07:00

Love made simple.

Words that cant be proclaimed.

Feelings that cant be shown.

Actions yet to be taken.

But i just wanna tell you,

how much feelings i've got for you.

Sweetie, i miss you.

Revolution.

2005-07-22T01:31:00.000-07:00

Revolution.

Why is everyone like this now? Cant we be like the past? huh? Heats is just coming apart. Soon there wont be leslie anymore. I cant hold Junjie. We've been friends for years and you guys just wanna see it tear apart like this? I know there are misunderstandings within the group but i dont see why we cant talk it out. Hey come on, we were close as brothers in the past but from what i see now, we maybe just good friends.

Beyond Expectations.

2005-07-21T00:23:00.000-07:00

Beyond Expectations.

What will you do, when someone you like or love confide to you his/her problems and you are unable to console or advise?

Will you feel useless?
Will you pity yourself?
Give excuses for not able to console or advise?
Tell yourself that you'll do it next time?

Think about it.

20th July 2005

Bought over a hundred bucks of items for my family. Im sure they're suprised. My mummy said "Tomorrow, the sun will rise from the west". = Well, i guess everyone like the stuff i got for them. I really have to thank that special someone whose been with me all these time.

To Ms. Special One,

Whatever happens, just seek for me. If theres anything i can help, i'll do my best to. You guide me through the hard times of life. Taught me how to walk this Big path of life. Accompany me when im down and bored. I do have feelings for you but its too hard for me to confess it to you. There are just too much reasons for me not to confess. Being together is something i never dare to dream of but if theres a chance, i'll be more than willing to cherish you.

Andre Guybrush Treepwood Monster .

Happy Birthday! Woohoo~

2005-07-14T23:13:00.000-07:00

Wow, its been sometime since i last posted. Sorry guys, nowadays im lazy to blog =X but i'll post once in awhile. =D Hey hey! my birthday is coming soon! So what are you guys getting for me? =XXXXX Wahahaha.. So Bhb.. I guna write a wish list for you guys who dunch know what to get fer me XD xP =X.

*Wish List*
-Hugo Boss Perfume.
-Levis Jacket. (This is Expensive >.<")
-A G2000 Blazer. Meh!
-A Wallet?
-A LCD TV!! Ooohh.

DuH! i bet thats crazy enough. If i happen to recieve anyone i'll be really happy! XD

CHEERS!

Live without a girl. Can you do it?

2005-06-28T03:15:00.000-07:00

I know i haven been updating my blog recently, because there aint much to update about. Basically nowadays im hanging out with HeatS and Pearlyn. Really spend time talking to Pearlyn, found out that shes alot different from the past. Shes alot more mature than she looks. She enlightened me lotsa things. I totally agree with her, why cant you guys live without girls? Cant you just live without a girlfriend? Come on, we're still young. Why keep ourself tied down? Use this time to upgrade ourselves and in future im sure we'll find someone we truly love.

What the heck is wrong with people? Gawt damn it.

2005-06-19T01:33:00.000-07:00

Its been 5 days since i last posted. I really dont know whats wrong with the people nowadays. Come on, 1month ago i lost someone i really love, 1 month later my good friend wanna leave. Whats the hell is wrong? HUH! Everything is pretty FUCKED up. I just cant find a reason for him to leave. In terms of friendship, everyone is equall in HeatS. No one is better than another, we're all the same. Then now what? Just leave like that and we dont even get a reason from you. Come on, what is wrong? At least give us a reason and we'll know what went wrong. Im sick and tired of holding relationship and friendship. I've did my part, i help and do whatever thats within my reach.

Regional Mindset Offset.

2005-06-14T03:13:00.000-07:00

Its 2:58 now and im seating infront of my computer agian. Everyday its like that. Didnt do much things today. Met teck and leong at Blue Sea then went for a game of DotA at Pavilion. They came my house after that, chatted till 15mins ago then they left. Nowadays i dont know what i want in life. Maybe for now. The only thing im looking forward now is to be with the girl i really love and National Service. Thats all. Leong didnt make it to ITC. hais. He'll be in for enlistment in less than 9months for sure. After i enlist, its only left with Teck and Leong. Thats really bad. None of us want it to be like this, but we dont have a choice. Nowadays its Teck, Leong and me. Leslie's busy with school and his life. Tomorrow its Leong and me. Teck have to go his SIP at Sengkang till friday. Life aint the same anymore. I suppose thats the life we'll soon be used to in the near future. Life is just a test we have to go through. At the end of our journey, we'll know whether are we satisfied with what we went through. Thats what i think. Personally i feel the things that i think draws a great distance from the others. I wont think like a 19 year old guy. Perhaps some questions i believe no one will be able to answer.

Jelly arms and legs again!

2005-06-12T05:38:00.000-07:00

Just came back and its 5:26am now. OMG. Went to Bugis Junction today, actually we planned to go orchard but in the end we had a change. Best reason for that because we're lazy to. URGH! I planned to go Takashimaya's Kinokuniya to get a good book of piano scores. I guess i'll go next week. I'm picking back piano. =) Had a good game of "Midnight Basketball" from 230am till 515am. Man, that really rawks but im experiencing one of the worst fatigue i ever had. Jelly arms and legs again. Muscle aches all over. aww. Ran 5 rounds of the Basketball court before i left. I can KO on my bed anytime, but i need to get a good bath first. Hadnt play Basketball since gawt knows how long ago.

My eyes are playing tricks already. That really suk. They are just so tired that i'll blink every 1 to 3 seconds. DUH. i hadnt been sleeping much this few days. Average of 4-6 hours a day. This is killing me. Seriously i need some good sleep. Today it'll be one. =D Cheers. I'll go have a bath and off i go to my bed. Night ppl~ Later! ^^

Left.

2005-06-11T03:33:00.000-07:00

Woke up around 1 plus. sigh, our days are rather boring since Sam aKa Hiro has left. Met teck on bus 23 around 4pm plus. Wore pure white long selve out with a blazer. People were looking, but who cares. As long as i like it then its fine. =) Im in a dilema now. hais. i dont know what i want. All i wish is to be with the one i love and live my life simple. Recently, i thought alot about those things that happened around me. Why arent humans contented with life? Never was. Even im not contented with my life. I know im fortunate in some ways, but im still not contented.

Oh man!

2005-06-09T23:49:00.000-07:00

Woke up at around 1:15, the moment i was up i checked my phone. AHH!! Its out of battery. I know im in deep trouble. Pearlyn must be on fire. LOL. She said that its the best that i wake up at 12ve. Immediately i went to charge my phone and turn it on as the same time. OMFG! 5 miss calls! I called back and got a good nag. :P haha. So i quickly went to prepare and before i can even put my clothes on, shes already at my door! I got myself dressed and went downstairs. Diao 0.0". Chatted and played piano for awhile then my brother woke up and we're ready to bring him out. He was really happy. HAHA, and there she comes again asking my didi what is her name? Amazingly my brother still remember. Cinderella jiejie came out from his lil mouth. oh man~

So mummy had slimming session so we all went out together then we split up. Brought didi to Toy'R'us to see toys. He always got root to the Power Rangers sections. Urgh. Kids =). Ms Cinderella wanted to tune her and plan to change her piano, so we went to Yamaha to get the number. There was this staff inside playing "Tong Hua". aww, its nice. Too bad there wasnt any singer. Saw the silent piano, its about $6999. So expensive. >,<" Saw Sam's Elect Tone too. After that we found that we have no where to go,so we decided to bring didi back to see Power Rangers again. -.-" meh. As we were chatting about some stuffs, didi suddenly say, peepee. Next moment, we're running out of Toy'R'us. He pee in his pants, i think he was too engrossed till he didnt tell me he wants to pee. I had to bring him to the toilet to clean up. His pants were half wet and i decided to bring him home for clean up and change. Bought Macdonalds home for dinner.

Took a cab home, upon reaching home clean up didi and changed his clothes. Cinderella wanted to watch The Incredibles so we ate our Macdonalds and watch as the same time. Dont know why we both watched till we were half asleep and didi was there jumping away~ HAHA.

Departure.

2005-06-08T05:08:00.000-07:00

Man, its wednesday now. 4:36 am. Damn it! My groupmate is guna get enlist tomorrow. its kinda saddening. i feel something is lost, even though we'll gonna part for two to three weeks.

Sam;

S- Stylish. He's the only Japanese look alike in our group. Dress like a japanese too.
A- Amazing. Somethings he does really amaze us. Surreal.
M- Mature. He's mature in his own ways. His actions and the way he thinks.

How can you ever forget how long we know each other? I know Sam since Secondary 1. I'm counting my fingers. 1,2,3,4,5&6. Wow. Six long years!! Lets write abit about the past. About this friendship that started 1999.

Secondary 1.

I still remember the days when we just got to know each other. The group started with Leslie, Sam and me. The pioneer members of HeatS'. We use to go Century Square everyday to play Beatmania during this period. Slacked over at Sam's home after school. I miss those days.

Secondary 2.

Leslie went into Class 2n3 therefore only Sam and me was in the same class. Luckily Leslie's class and our class have combined mother tongue lessons. We got to meet each other during recess and after class. We also got to know Leong and JunJie at this period, but we aint that close.

Secondary 3.

The five of us got closer after graduating from Secondary 2. Sam, Leslie, Leong, Junjie and me. Still remember we perform ParaParaParadise "Velfare 2000" during Teachers' Day. It was fun and kinda totally insane. Haha. This period of time we started to "Chiong" Pavilion almost whenever we can. Got to know Teck through Junjie. He's Junjie primary classmate. How come we get to know him? Its because during then none of us have a computer that allows us to play Counter-Strike. Even thought we're from a different school, we still got along well.

Secondary 4.

Teck sort of joined our group during this period. Haha. Still the same, "Chiong" Pavilion, play Counter-Strike & go Bugis Junction.

Secondary 5.

Wow! Finally Sam, Leslie, Leong, Junjie and me got into the same class. After years of struggling, we're together. I guess our Bond really starts to get even better at this point of time. But Junjie dropped out of school after attending Secondary 5 for 1month.

I believe recapping these brings back alot of memories. From our Childish Selves to Mid Adults. We've grown up all these years. Sweat, play, dance, study together through the times. I'm glad that i got to know you guys =) . If there wasnt you guys, i wont be the Andre today. I wouldnt know where i would be, or what i'll be doing. Thanks for being there when i need you most. Take care and may god bless you guys. =D

Brothers & Groupmates for life!

Andre. o5o6am o8o62oo5.

Borred.

2005-06-07T18:09:00.000-07:00

Slept at around 1pm. just woke up and its 5pm now. i'm happy that finally she came online yesterday. i was extremely elated. =D im in love againn =). for once i felt love again. its been one week already. im going out to some place, just hoping that i'll see her. i hate to go out alone, but i dont have a choice. its for love. so its mighty alritey. grins. last night all HeatS' came over to my house for a game of LIFE again then we went for supper. went to the indian coffeeshop near teck's house. all ate pratas to our fill then headed back home.

Its tuesday today, damn it. Sam will enlist on thursday. Saddening, one by one get enlist into army. after sam, next will be me. im prepared for the better or the worst. thursday my buddy will be coming over my home to play with my brother. after that we'll bring my brother out. time pasts day by day as we walk our very path of life. im turning 19 soon. the last time i met my buddy, she asked if my gf had lots of pimples on her, would i mind? i wouldn't mind, because i know its just a matter of time before it heals. i dont think pimples can affect a relationship. something that small wont affect something that great. love is great~ agree? well, no one is perfect, i'll love my girlfriend for who she is, but i dont have one now :'( .

People say Leos are PERFECTIONIST. well, i guess so. i used to be a perfectionist over everything. I've learn to compromise from the last relationship, therefore i wont be a perfectionist towards my partner. it aint good. it will just make me love her who i want her to be, not who she is. "Its better to be hated who you are, than being loved for who you're not." the only specific thing i really mind in a relationship is i expect my girlfriend be able to do what she expect me to. for example like; she expects me not go out with females then i expect her not to go out with guys. its because i dont see the reason why i must fullfill something that she cant fullfill. love is a both side thing. i feel that one of the ways to earn mutual trust is to fullfill something each other want, maybe the one i mentioned above.

Personally i dont think i have attitude problem. i never had. another thing i dislike my partner to do is shower me with attitude. yes i understand sometimes during menses ladies really get pissed of easily, but i wont take it as a reason for her to scold me whenever she like. it will just get me awefully pissed off. once my ex scolded me FUCK YOU so loud that everyone in queue for the bus was looking at me. just imagine how much disgrace and hurt i got. i kept quiet. when the bus came i just sent her to the bus entrance and i left for home. she didnt even apologise till sometime later. what wrong with my ex is she doesnt feel for others. she just care about herself. Selfish is the word to use. sometime i feel, why is she like that? cant she just be more concern for others?

I give my girlfriend freedom. i'll take it away if she doesnt know how to treasure that freedom. misuse it and it'll be gone. but at times conditions apply. i cant be that strict ya? i cant take lies from my girlfriend. i wont accept someone i trust and love so much lie to me.

i'll end my post here. time for dinner. later people. love you more everyday.

Im in love again.

2005-06-06T14:15:00.000-07:00

How great is love? The Meaning of Love offers and explains a definition of love in a way that is interesting, intense, clear, logical, and meaningful. All relationships --love, infatuation, friendship, dating, marriage, family, community, and professional-- involve three key elements:

Emotions --how we feel about each other

Ethics --how good or bad we are for each other

Joys --how much we satisfy or dissatisfy each other.

These determine the quality of our relationships; and The Meaning of Love explains how they interrelate, and why attraction --the normally considered most important emotional element and conventional hallmark of love-- is not sufficient to signify a relationship as one of love, no matter how strong or how enduring that attraction may be.

im starting to like this lady more everyday. she's a sweet fine lady. her lovely smile poisoned my heart with love. she may not know that i like her, i'll wait. one day, let me care and protect her. give me a chance.

Life in mono.

2005-06-04T00:05:00.000-07:00

My legs feel like jelly now. today i walked alot okay? lol. eww. aack. went to meet up my old buddy today, hadnt see her for almost a year. shes still the same, just that she keeps emphasizing that she turned uglier. you're not okay? its just a matter of time. =D hahas. i like your hair >.< . i mean the colouring, highlight and style. whats wrong with the world nowadays? i've a handful of friends who broke up with their partners within this 2months. meh. thats totally un-cool and it hurts. god damn it.

Love doesnt come and go easily. i believe in that. im not that kinda person whose love come and go that easily. yes, it may be true that my love for her has died, but have you all thought that what she did to me deserve my hate? i didnt hate her, thats good enough already. i just let the matter go. since its over, why should i brood it over and over again? whats the point? yes, i still miss her at times, not always. maybe once or twice everyday. its been a month. thats long enough for me. i have my brother, my buddy, HeatS' and friends all by my side. why should i think of her? regarding those who question or doubt me about this, i hope you guys are satisfied with the reply.

Went to bugis after i brought my brother home. i was sweating the whole day, which was very uncomfortable. DUH! im not wear two tops again, unless i really need to. >.< gonna go Music Underground tomorrow night with my Cousin and two other HeatS' members. the entrance fee is $25 each. damn, its expensive. hope i enjoy myself there tomorrow. =

oh gawt, im damn tired. haven't slept much for these few days. about 6hours everyday. urgh. my eye rings are getting darker. just hate it. i guna use some of my mom's facial thingy. im not sure what is that. guna go sleep soon, later guys.

Zanarkland.

2005-06-01T15:28:00.000-07:00

Zanarkland. The world of dreams.

Cant believe that last night i dreamt again. im not sure since when i stopped dreaming already. yesterday i dreamt about her. yes, i know i shouldn't. but other than her, someone i used to love too. its her. that someone i was going of 9 months but i failed. its Pearlyn. im not sure why i have this strange dream. with all this people around. from what i remember is me and "HER" suppose to meet at the train station for someone. then i met Pearlyn and Jasmine. i didnt know it was her till she yelled. haha. shes still the same in my dreams. im not sure whether shes like that now. hope she's doing fine. lost contact with her for so long already. kinda miss her.

Give me a chance.

2005-05-31T03:36:00.000-07:00

Sigh, im kinda being rejected from her. even as a friend. im sad. i cant even get her msn. dont mention phone number. yes i've only seen her once. but i dunch know why i feel for her. i even miss her. i duno why. i guess i fell for her. but it seems that there isnt any chance for me. Sigh. damn it. its 3:34am now. and im still awake as usual. i'll be the last one to sleep. i guess im going off to sleep. take good care guys. and good luck for those who took their O levels chinese paper yesterday. Good night.

Fresh start.

2005-05-30T17:10:00.000-07:00

Yawns, finally im awake. its already 5pm. bahh~ i had a really good sleep. didnt even wake up for toilet or whatever. im energetic now! laughs. experiencing muscle aches all over. especially on my right and left arm. they hurt big time! Grr. im still lazying around in my room. browsing through friendster and blogs. finally someone add me in friendster. -.-"

Mummy aint cooking dinner tonight. so i need to get my own dinner. damn it. whats worst is, i have no one to ask out for dinner! thats totally fuked up! i hate eating/going out alone. i'll rather rot at home and be hungry. my brother was having fever yesterday. he's fine now. i love him. he's so cute and innocent. the happiness of the family. i'll smile everytime i see him. he's always asking where im going, doing and stuffs. he's the closest one to me now. im glad that he's always be there for me.

Im Homee~

2005-05-30T09:01:00.000-07:00

Urgghh. stretching myself now. just got back home from chalet. one word to describe how i feel now, "NUA". my body is like jelly now. -.-" i really need a good sleep. since i hadn't got any the past three days. i hadn't slept since i woke up yesterday. im experiencing fatigue and tiredness now. Extremely uncomfortable, with sore throat and a lil cough. irriating enough to keep me awake. Yawns. i gonna go sleep RIGHT now! im dozing off~ bahh. nitey ppl, i'll be back once i wake up.

I need SLEEP!

2005-05-26T05:36:00.000-07:00

Seriously i need some sleep. i need to wake up at 10am. dang it. less than 5 hours of sleep >.<" im not sure whether i can wake up in time. i needa go SIR later since i didnt go the other day. Pwah, damn the hunger thats with me since almost 5 hours ago. im just really lazy to go downstairs to make the dumplings. Rofle. i know im really lazy. Bahh~

Alrite, my teeth really really HURTS. damn pain. the ultimate tingling and sizzling sensation really is getting over me. just when to dentist yesterday to have a monthing check up and change my bands. my backbone hurts too. prolly due to too much late nights im having. for one month i've been "Tonning" or stay up late till morning then i sleep. this aint getting any better. my cough finally healed. thank god that coughing stopped.

Wrote more than a dozens of testimonials to quite some people. 2 each for 5 heats members and 1 for the only lady in heats. i think all total up to about 10k of words. Sweats. thats kinda alot to some people. but its actually just normal for me. just browse through what i type the pass few weeks. there's more than 20-30k words. i cant believe that i wrote so much. i draw alot too. craps, anime, tatoos.. etc..

i guna go sleep. its late already >.<" i need sleep. durh. if not i'll get fatigue later. nite all. i'll blog tomorrow before i go to chalet.

Stop Revolving Please!

2005-05-24T00:40:00.000-07:00

Memories please go back. i beg of you. just go away. i dont want to remember any of those sweet and painful images again. dont bother me again. i already had enough. why must you come back to me again? huh! cant you just give me a new life? i just want a simple and easy life. why these memories have to come back and hurt me again? Pain! URGGGhhh. damn it. i dont want to remember anything about her anymore. nothing! so just get lost from my mind. i dont want to remember anything starting from 010304. any of them will just make me burst into tears. i beggggg you. just get out of my mind. leave me for once and for all. dont ever come back. i dont want to be hurt again.

I haven get to know my friend's collegue yet. >.< im trying okay? that M.Industrie gurl i gave up hope. since i saw her with that guy. sigh. cant god just give me someone who really loves me and i love? pif. im a guy who really needs love. when theres no love, days are really draggy and boring. nights seems long. how long is this going to last? i hope it will end real soon. hais. walk back from pavilion just now with my friends. i was really quiet. i was thinking about the past again. i just hate it. im really trying to forget all the past. i mean EVERYTHING.

i have no mood to blog now. sigh. sorrie guys. tomorrow. take good care and ciaos.

ShopaHolic.

2005-05-22T23:58:00.000-07:00

Wooohoooeeww. just bought some crazy fashionable clothes and stuffs. bah. spent $200 bucks in just two hours! >.< i bought a Blazer and two japanese fashion shirts for 80 bucks, a pair of cargo jeans for 50 bucks and a new pair or converse shoes for 75 bucks. its been long since i spent this much on myself. not like the past, i spend all my money on my girlfriend. she shops and i pay. how fortunate is that! how i wish that someone pay for what i spend. however its not possible -.- . damn i couldnt find the "Cardigan" and the muji pants. pif. but nevermind, i'll try to find them next time.

Dang it, she wasnt working today. i was hoping to see her. that pretty and cute image of her just make me feel love once again. well, lets not talk about love. its boring i know. chalet is this coming friday, one last happening thing before sam guna get into ns. hoping for a really enjoyable chalet this time. i miss the last chalet. when we were still together(Heats). this would be the second time we're gonna get together. we'll talk our hearts out, laugh till the dawn.

i deserve a slap to myself. hey hey, why this stupid image keep poping out? it has stop since few days ago, why does it have to come back? URGH! DAMN IT! go back, go back! go to the part of the brain where these images shall be forgotten.

Early bird.

2005-05-21T11:11:00.000-07:00

wow its only 1046am and im already awake!>.< eww. well, i slept early last night. what is there to do when all my friends are still sleeping? boredsome!

im blasting my favourites again. Million Tears and Now The World. they really rock my life. Come on, lets rock! >.< woooooohoooooo. Rofle. i dreamt that i went to Rush last night. Lmao. what a dream. nahh, i dont go to Rush. China Black, Zouk and Mu probably is where i only go.

AFireInside(AFI) : Now the world.

Summer, I painted a scene that lit the stars for me.
Said, "I can erase it for you dear."
That summer created those words that came to life in three.
They were denied by you.

Summer I laid down below a glitter-adorned night
And silently sparkled my own way.
Summer I laid down by you and shared my frail light.
You gave the dark to me.

I looked inside to find the one I sent away.
I nearly froze when I stepped inside to find the flowers turned to gray.
I closed my eyes and kissed them one last time. (I wanted this excoriation.
I thrive on this self mutilation.) in backround

Summer, a morning, so pale, alone when they found me.
As I remained sleeping I heard them say,
"This summer created a boy of abject misery."
He was designed by you.

I looked inside to find the one I sent away.
I nearly froze when I stepped inside to find the flowers turned to gray.
I closed my eyes and kissed them one last time.
(I wanted this excoriation. I thrive on this self mutilation.) in backround

So like a lost child I will hide,
And like a lost lie I will find a way to return to the one who made me.
Cover your eyes and we'll die together.

Will you cry for me? Will you cry for me? Or will you die with me?
Will you cry for me? Will you cry for me? Or will you die with me?
Will you cry for me?
I've been a lonely one.
Will you cry for me?
I've had this whole world drained from me.
Or will you die with me?Will you cry for me? Am I the only one?
Will you cry for me?I've had this world drained from me.
Or will you die with me?

Summer, I painted a scene that lit the stars for me.
Said "I can erase it for you dear."

alright guys, im off to do my stuffs =) seya~

Will you cry for me?

2005-05-21T01:26:00.000-07:00

3weeks of single life. phew~ so fast. its coming 1month. yep, getting use to it now. thou i get lonely sometimes. quit gaming already, im bored of it. whats happening in my life now is clubbing, chilling, making friends, driving. today i met a guy on irc #friendster, he kept haiz. because his gf left. im like wow! he speaks like me 3weeks ago. kewl huh~ but it isnt :P tried to help him abit on his situation. since our ending was almost the same. but mine was the worst :( . basically actually we intend to go sentosa for tanning and swimming yesterday. but leong couldnt make it and so we decided to drop the idea. what a waste. >.< i woke up at 10am! dang! just to be in time to go to sentosa but in the end it was a false alarm. poor me. im tired now. URGH!

mommy saw me on my way out today, she asked if im going to "kao" gurls today. haha. lmao. i gave a smile and say no :P . i told her i've intentions on a gurl already. she kept asking me stuffs and i told her i dont know the gurl yet. Rofle. she said get a gurl that aint so "HOT" one. so there wont be alot of "PESTS" around her.

Tomorrow is the day. the day of what? i dont wanna believe. yea, take number from that M.Industrie gurl. OMG! *Trembles* LOL. umm, actually i dont really dare to, but i gonna try. =) try~ she looks older than me thou. hopefully she isnt! XD we had a deal which was each person have to get phone number from at least a gurl on tomorrow's outing. Bleahx! xP yep! but but but.. i think i guna get from the M.Industrie gurl since blah blah blah blah. alrighty? wish me luck! =D

aww. damn, my eyes are almost closed. im tired. really tired. sleepy. zZzzzZzzZZzz. i think im off to sleep already peeps. nite all!

Repetitive life.

2005-05-20T03:38:00.000-07:00

Time seems to pass so fast. its already 3:21 am. >.< again ="/">weird or inhuman is the word we use on him. his sister did ask me if he's alright. -.- seriously till this point of time even his sister feels he's weird. its not that he doesnt have gurls around him. the problem lies with him. he picks too much. this cannot, that cannot. its totally impossible to find one girl friend like that. no one is perfect. everyone has their flaws.

My type of gurl.

age gap (+-) 1-2 years
doesnt smoke. social drinker is fine.
nice to parents, both sides.
well mannered. i cant stand unreasonable people.
appropriate dressing at different occasions & able to dress nicely.
any family background. doesnt need to be rich etc.
doesnt need to be very pretty, must be sweet.
long hair, at least shoulder lenght.

this is what i ask for. i think this isnt too much. alright im off to sleep. will be at sentosa tomorrow. going for tanning and a swim. seya guys. take care. nites.

Mental Torture. Pause.

2005-05-19T08:41:00.000-07:00

its morning now, im still awake. friends came over just now.. left about 30mins ago. yep, cant sleep. i wanted to. but guess what? im already recovering. why does she have to tell me those things again. huh! i just want to live a simple life now. forget about the past.

Be a fair Judge. Judge for me.

Suddenly, she came msn me and said "i know you miss me". its like wtf sia. im already forgeting things and this crap come to me. its like asking someone whose dying whether he/she is going to die. totally off senses. its like she just wanna rack things up and make my life hard again. then she told me she thought she wont find another better guy like me, but she did. say, tell me isnt she trying to make things hard for me? or just im stupid/dumbass. i really had enough. im already a very tolerant person. ask anyone. who seen me blown off before? i did once in 6years. 6 god damn years! i tolerate ppl suan me for 5 years. i never say anything. if someone can make me so damn pissed off, he/she is just seeking for death.

Simple life.

Just gimme a simple life. give me a gurl that i love and i'll take care of her. erase my memories. i really dont wish to remember any of them. they'll just bring me pain. the hurt maybe cured over time, but there will forever be a scar. a scar so deep that it penetrates from my chest to my back. if god is really fair, then why i deserve all this? im not a flirt. i gave all i can, yet why i still get this crap?

Fate.

alot of people will say its fate! if you surrender yourself to fate, what is the point of living? when in the end you're fated to die anyway. am i right? fate doesnt control us. fate lies in our hands. we've read alot of articles about people commit suicide due to bankruptcy. because they think that its impossible to clear their debts and live normally again. they surrender to fate. whereas only a handful believe that they will make it if they stand up and try. they succeed in the end. at least they achieve to live as a average income life. isnt it better to live than die?

Treasure.

Treasure what you have. Treasure what you possess. younger generations doesnt understand the meaning of treasure. give me a poor kid, bring me a rich brad. the poor kid can tell you what does treasure means and the rich brad will tell you that he/she doesnt even care. the problem doesnt only lies on the children nowadays, parents are involved. parents spoil their kids too much, giving their children what they want. making it a "must" to give everything to their children.

im really collecting information for a thesis about the younger generations thinking. i really find that the kids nowadays are alot different. not to mention the kids from the past. the gap may be too wide that it may seem overboard.

Fairy-Tale

2005-05-18T08:27:00.000-07:00

came back home for almost 2hours now.. its 8:27am. =/ i feel a lil sleepy. just feeling really bored. not knowing what to do when i wake up. i might go to M.Industrie for interview. the reason might be im going after the lady, or i just need to work. but i know most likely i wont work there. memories will turn back on me. things might turn ugly.An angelic vision.i almost forget her face now. few seconds of glimpse of her. she's sweet, lady-like, touch of cuteness and innocent. i'll pray to god, lemme take care this fine lady. i'll never break her heart. i'll give her all the love she wants, all the care she needs and everything im able to do.

Fairy-Tale
i want to be the little angel that you like in the fairy-tale.
i'll open my arms and turn them into wings to protect you.
please believe, believe that we'll be like a fairy-tale.
happiness will be the ending.
we'll walk throught this till the end.

im going off to sleep. seya guys. nite

Love or Crush?`

2005-05-17T17:43:00.000-07:00

woke up about 2 hours ago.. chatting with friends.. life is different now.. alot different.. im still sleepy.. very sleepy.. i going to take a shower to keep myself awake =D.. i went to M. industrie for the first time yesterday at bugis. we saw this lady working there.. she served my friend.. once moment, my heart stopped, next moment love-filled blood flow into my heart once again. i felt calm and warm when i saw her. she isnt the very pretty type, shes more of lady-like pretty and a touch of cuteness. an angelic vision. calmness came to me again. will i go for her? or will it be just another crush im having? its for me to decide. but i know i'll try. i want to be in love again.

Gurl, you're so sweet.

Love.you.understand

2005-05-16T07:42:00.000-07:00

hamster. so lil, so fluffy. it was a gift from someone i really love. we named it "ham ham" its a cute and nice name for a hamster. i'll really appreciate everything you gave me. every warmth kiss and hug you gave me. im really tired. haven been sleeping for 36 hours. having sore throat. words are moving~ wow! having cough.. sigh.. listening to tong hua now.. its almost 4am now. im tired. but i'll stil blog. i'll continue tomoro when i wake up.

love.you.understand

Sad case.

2005-05-13T13:30:00.000-07:00

just woke up and found myself blogging again. its 1:30pm now. slept at almost 530am last night. i dont feel alright. last night went cycling again. drank a 750ml bottle of Carlsberg special brew after dinner and continued cycling. we went to east coast park to chill, on the way back, i felt extremely weak and my breathing problem came back again. i dont know what the hell is happening to me. irregular heartbeats. guys, sorry. really brought you trouble back there.all the soil on the bikes and stuff. because of me, we need to take cab back home. its was already 4am then. upon reaching home, i had to clean ter's bike. i cant possibly be so irresponsible to return him a soiled bike. agree that it was dirty work but i dont have a choice. had a warm bath and went straight to sleep. guys, i nearly ko yesterday. i dont think you guys realise cause i was the last man. nearly died. i dont know what god wants from me. i just want to forget things and live a simple life now. meet that special someone that i always have been waiting. i have go to return ter's bike. i'll post again when im back.

Revolving Memories.

2005-05-13T02:36:00.000-07:00

Memories.

till this day, im still thinking of her. why? i've tried so hard to make myself forget those memories. yet each and everyone of them kept coming back into my mind. they were so vivid, i could see the shadows of us walk passby me when i was returning home. hugging each other tight in the lift and kissing. till this very day, i can tell you what lil things we do everytime. sigh.
Love her, let her go.everyone say this. when you love someone, let them go. saying this is easy, not doing. i already had gave up. but why doest my heart still tell me you're mine? sometimes i cant believe she's gone. so far away from me. i told leslie, "shes" like that star, so far far away, light years away. yet you can see her, but you can never get hold of her. she may be still shining bright in your heart. but one day a star's burning will die out. so let her go. i can tell him to let her go, yet i cant do it myself. im weak. a weakling. a pathetic dude.

Friends for life.this past week, people i really want to thank are lynn jie, xiaostar mei, teck, leong, leslie and junjie. lynn jie is always willing to lend a listening ear, every night when im lonely i'll call her. she listens to my story, comfort and told me how to move on. xiaostar mei heard my story, she was the second to come visit me. accompany me to chat till the morning. wonder who was the first to visit me? it was leong. althought leong isnt from heats, but i never ever treat him as an outsider. everyone of us in heats are closely bonded. yet leong was the first the arrive. i really really appreciate what he had done. he is someone who is so true to his friend. the first few days i slept at teck's house, mainly because i dont wanna think of her and cry. staying at home would let me vision every past of us slacking at home. watching vcd, hugging each other sleeping etc.. thanks teck, for letting me stay over at your home for that period. the moment i see leslie, i could see the emotions in him, just like me. we think the same. he used to be a happy go lucky guy just like me. now he changed. he portraits a lonely self so quiet at times. a smile might be fake, but at least you've made another person smile. at but not least, my brother. he's blessed now, for having such a nice gf. im jealous. one day i really hope to find one who truly loves me. junjie always supports me for whatever im going for. he's not afraid to back me up when i fall. not afraid to fight for me if i die. ps: we dont fight. its just a saying. he's willing to help if a need any.

I need love. Unbreak the curse in my heart.

Have you ever wonder?Why must we serve?Because we love our land.We want it to be free to be free. Yahh!They wrote this song because there was once a soldier questioned why do we need to serve National Service. "Because we love our land. We want it to be free to be free." its natural to protect something we love. but in a relationship, it not only the female needs protection. even the male needs protection, sense of security. i need love. seriously in need of love. im a loyal lover, give me your love and i wont hesitate to love back.

Future.

2005-05-12T22:32:00.000-07:00

Omfg, i just woke up! its already 4:33pm! SIR closed 33mins ago. but i dont have a choice. everyday i cant sleep like till morning. i really hope someone can help me adjust back my sleeping time to like 1am. so i can wake up earlier. 12th May 2005. yep, national service awaits me. just phoned a friend. he went to watch House Of Wax. he said the show was incredible. but i dont have the slightest interest on that movie. yep, next week onwards i might go back to my family's business to help out and learn how to manage. well, i dont really know much about the work they are doing, but i know as long as im willing to learn, everything would be just a challenge. 10-20years down the road, my cousin and me might even take over the business. well, we dont really know. the company is growing and we're going to have our own building, consisting three levels. level two has a garden, its so damn cool. level 3 is the office and all the director's room. level 1 is where the work begin and ends, and a car lot. i think the greatest achievement the company made was the project for singtel and mircosoft offices. turn over for singtel was 2++million and mircosoft was 5million. we aint proud of it, the reason why because we were poor once. really poor. imagine 4 families staying in one 4room flat. imagine that. i live with my cousins >.<. its kinda fun, because i can never get bored with them around. i simply love the cars my father and uncles drive. i love bmw. my favourite label of luxury cars. they look totally cool and sporty. the cars they're driving; 318i, 320i, 325i and 735i. i love everyone of them. driving is a sheer pleasure, with these cars that its simply irresistable to me. yet, my prefered bmw cars are 6 series and Z4. BMW 6 Series Coupe. im obsessed with these cars. >.< one day i'll be driving them, its not a dream, its a target im working towards. ciaos.

Old days and life.

2005-05-11T07:27:00.000-07:00

Sorrie guys, 5am in the morning, i dont have anything to blog, cycled to tanah merah with two friends for dinner. its been awhile since i last cycled. kinda old school stuff already. had tissue and chesse prata and a cup of milo dinosaur. awe! damn i was bloated should have just order one piece of prata but nevermind. cycled back home after dinner. yep, im tired. these "craps" came into my mind and so i decided to write abit. hope you guys wont find it boring. just some lessons of life.

Fate.

how many people out there believes in fate? some people feels that we're fated to live in this world, our lifes have been planned.for example, Mrs. Marone decided to had a divorce with this husband because he had an affair outside. Some people might think that its fated that this happens, nothing can stop it from happening. on the other hand, some people think that we ourselves control our fate. in other words, whatever changes we do in our lifes, changes everything. even if the thing you did was mild/intense, it would change your life instantly. for example, Mr. lordney invest in shares, he may listen to this financial adviser not to invest in shares due to high risks or he can invest his money based on his own instincts/stock broker. either decision he makes does changes to his life or career/business. he may listen to this financial adviser not to invest in shares and he's safe from risks of losing huge sum of money. he could have earn himself a huge sum of money investing in shares, vice versa. from here we can see the differences of how fate is being categorize. which one do you think it is? there is no correct answer but the best way to jugde fate is one believe that he/she controls his/her fate within his/her hands. therefore he/she will face life in a positive way knowing what is correct for him/her.

Life.

what is life? different people have different aspects of life. it maybe as bright as the sun, or as dull as the darkest hour. some people feel life is just a cycle, doing the same old thing everyday and find life is bored. yes, its a cycle. yet a handful in a number feel that even if they live the same everyday, they should give their best on any job/challenge that awaits them. if these people can think this way, why cant you? if there aren't these people around us, life wont be any better. have a vision that Albert Einstein didn't give his best to invent the light bulb, feel bored after every faulty experiment. we might not have lamps/bulb around us or till a later age. these people make a difference to our lives. how did they have the motivation to complete some of the toughest challenge in the world? the answer is, they live everyday as their last, living their everyday to the fullest.

Attitude.

attitude is a common word we hear. perhaps from our friends. gossips about so and so having attitude problems or bad attitude. attitude is one of the most important aspect of life. attitude can change a person immediately. changing every move he makes and every word he speaks. if someone doesn't have a positive attitude towards life, he/she can find himself lost in life or in the society. ever wonder how did people climb to the very top of the peak in the society/life? its because those who succeeded live with a positive attitude. facing every challenge ahead as a important lesson for them and not run away from them. if they fail to do so, they stand up and believe they will do better in future challenges. yet not be useless/disturb when the next challenge comes.

:OKAY: i think it should be enough. you guys must be dozing off! almost could vision zZz Land. Rofle. i almost reach zZz Land. >.< guess i began to love blogging! Cheers. i think im going to SIR later, to replace my IDENTITY CARD. awe! 100Bucks wasted on that. well, i dont have a choice do i? i cant just roam around without my IC. i dont want to be Identity-less. alright, im off to sleep. nites for everyone.

Do.You.Understand

An advice to my ex lover.

2005-05-11T01:21:00.000-07:00

fuck.you.understand - lonely is the night.

nothing is impossible as long as you try. if you gave up before you even try, whats the point of starting then? people succeed because they keep trying. if you give up, what will you do? dont study? stay at home everyday and do nothing? dont walk the path i did. i realise it was a mistake.

21st century there are no differences betweet man and women. women cant always wait for their husband's to support. anything can happen over the night. business may colapse, ppl may be declared bankrupt, families may part, accidents may occur. if you don have a career in future, what if something happens? we wont know what will happen, do we? neither anyone of us do. trust me, continue ur studies whatever happens dont give up joyce, never let your parents down, most importantly never let yourself down. you may have let me down, but its not important. its already over, i may have got hurt deeply, but i know no one wish that to happen as anything could happen at anyplace anytime to any people.

im living with a smile everyday, althought i know not every smile is true, but i want to be happy. happy like i used to be. happy to live my days as a single. thought i know someone i really love left me, i know one day, i will be happy again. im waiting for that day. that i could see light again.

if love never came,

i know one day it would come.

if love left me,

i wont give up knowing one day it will be back.

Lessons learned.

2005-05-10T22:46:00.000-07:00

fuck.you.understand.single for almost 2 weeks. =/ seriously im not used to it. but i've continue with life. yep. i still have my family, friends. i really should thank those of you who help me to stand up and continue with life during this period. keep accompany go out when im lonely, care and feel for me. i really appreciate it. yep. this world is unfair. neither relationship is. love maybe anything, but love call kill a person's heart when its gone before you know it. once i ever wondered, does true love never has an ending? now i doubt so. maybe yes, most of them isnt. i've learn alot from the past relationship.

What i've learned;
1)Dont commit unless partner is willing to. because if you're the only one commiting, the one who will get hurt the most when the relationship ends is you. why do such stupid things to yourself?
2)Open eyes wide. any little differences in behaviour/lifestyle maybe a hint to you what she's doing. you dont have to ask. realise it yourself. confront her.
3)Listen carefully. notice any slight difference during conversations tru the phone. if she suddenly stopped saying those "i love you" "miss you darling", you should take caution. its not being sensitive. i've experienced all this. her feelings for you might already faded.
4)I'm busy!. how busy are you during examination period? so busy that you cant even answer a call? i aint think so. if she keeps rejecting your calls and say that shes busy with work and shes been like that for awhile, please take caution too. she might have already have another guy outside. she cant possibly talk to you and the other guy at the same time. shes two timing.
5)Compromise. compromising your partner, yes its good. too much of it will just make your partner climb over you in no time. because compromising will be a "Need" in future. she may think that its just right that you compromise her all the time. a little attitude she might blow off her top and start screaming at you

Kind of woke up later today, missed the bball session. an apology to leong and les. i couldnt fall asleep til 8am. i think i was in deep sleep. so didnt hear your calls. komei. not really doing anything at home. chatting on msn, phone jie or play games. nowadays i seldom game. prolly lost interest in it already. lost interest in almost everything. but im starting to pick them up piece by piece. its over already, whats the point brooding over it? i had enough already. dont wanna get the pain again. not worth it. whats the point of thinking about a girl that doesnt worth your love? carry on with life. live it to the fullest. make your existence worth its value. some ppl may think how can i recover only in less than two weeks? well, the secret is... there aint any secrets. most importantly the decision its yours. to think or not to. come to this, i can vision her now. the image is blury. my feelings have faded for her. sometimes, things may not turn what it shld be. just like my case. i didnt expect someone i love wholeheartedly and trusted so much would betray me. its totally unexpected. out of sudden. but at least i've prepared for the worst. thats why the hurt caused was being minimized. yes it does hurt, alot. i went mad after the 4th/5th day. my mind clashed, thoughts clashing against each other. i exploded. suddenly two sentences came out from my mouth on the top of my voice, "why you do this to me, why you do this to me!". i felt alot better after that. the extreme heavy "feeling" lessen to 0. my mind stopped wandering all about. i began to accept what has happened. i cried when the thought of her came back. yes it was sad, but its over, theres nothing i can do. = / i believe in the end everyone wishes to be loved. no one wants to be lonely. NO ONE. yes money is everything, yet money cant buy you an experience of true love. i wouldn't die regretting, knowing that i've already experience a love that was so true. memories are sweet. yep, i miss those moments that we spend together. but knowing someone will replace her one day, you shld be happy. kinda familiar with that phrase? yep, part of jay's Gui Ji lyrics.

i'll end here today, there will be more tomoro. andre-fuck.you.understand.

Fark.you.understand

2005-05-09T21:07:00.000-07:00

what the fuck is wrong wif this god damn fucking world? huh? some fucking person tell me! anyone! i got ditched and sort of get 2timed. now shes attached. with this guy she don even know for long. what the heck sia? she told me is play play one. or rather 4 fun one. what sia. i treated her so good she do this to me! went out with this guy when she was still with me. no wonder feelings fade. cause she already fell for another guy. thats what i actually concluded. ya.. told me you love you.. love what? love other guy ah? feelings fade because u god damn like the other guy. no time go out? cause you god damn go out with other ppl. on the day you're gone i hope god judge this as a sin. remember what i say, one day you will know how fucked up im feeling now. fuck you understand. from pc and sergeant in 3rd guards. well.. not much to say.. this is all i get from reaching home. thanks to this someone i really used to love. not anymore. you changed to much. one day don ever beg me to accept you when no one does. cause im letting you know i wont.

Fuck.you.understand.Andre. 81137047 call again you'll fuck.you.understand what is pain.

Unfair befalls on me.

2005-05-07T19:15:00.000-07:00

i really didnt do anything wrong. but why does things keep happening to me? first of all whatever is on the previous two days post. secondly, i drop my IC, Nets, Ezlink and student membership card. its so god damn unfair. how much more can i endure? i cant drink anymore. i nearly stop breathing. maybe my body cant take the tiredness anymore. after all, i haven slp much for three weeks. its really of torture. imagine only 4-6 hours a day. my dark eye rings and eye bags have developed. dang it man. i need some good rest. i really want to. but i just cant! try to get some sleeping pills from the GP. hope they help. if not i'll break down and have some serious illness. Drank some last night. servere headaches came later. my fren vomit 4 times! thats totally i duno what to say. well, he mixed Vodka with Carlsberg. you guys know how bad it can go. he started to act funny and he smashed the glass bottle on the floor! wow. it turn into a million pieces. shattered. my other fren got a cut on this toe. poor ass. i couldnt fall asleep after drinking.. there are too much things in my mind. revolving around. my heart is lost. my dreams were smashed. everything seems pointless doing it. no interest in everything. no games, no tv. sigh. truly a sad case.PricesVodka Absolute : $55Identity Card : $100Nets Card : $5Total : $160.

it supposed to be only $55, the it became $160. stupid card holder. quitted smoking. already not touching it anymore. i know something will happen to me if i touch more of it. i cant breathe after everyfew breathe. it really hurts.. ate lunch at fren's house. his mom cook some food and rice. i only ate like 1/4 of the rice and i was full already. >< nowadays i eat 1 meal a day. not that i choose not to eat. polly due to the emotions im having now. everything really taste bland. a person will die without food yet a person will die without love too. its true. i have been hanging out lately. because i cant think straight i home. i'll keep crying. yesterday i dreamt again. yes, about her. the girl i always love. just wanna tell her no matter what i've said, it maybe harsh, but i don mean it. just a moment of stupidity or rash. im sorry about it. but i just want you to know i still love you. i was angry about dropping those items. sorry, i don mean it. please forgive me.
i know no matter what i say now may not touch your heart. at least i know i already tried my best to make you return to me. be by my side where i need you most. i miss the days we sleep together. i did everything out of love. why cant u understand? i already apologised to you le. i explained to you that everything i said was out of rash. i don mean it. why cant you forgive me once and forget it? im a human, i make mistakes, cant you understand i did all this because i love you? can you don be so mean to me anot? you said you will always forgive me no matter what as long as i didnt betray you.i know i say this everyday, but i just cant lose you. i just cant. i love you too much. so deep, that no one except you can revive my dead heart again.4 days already. i truly don believe the love between us is so weak.i only need this last chance. this one last chance. why cant u just come back and start anew. i don mind anything. as long as you're by my side. thats enough. you can do anything to me, as long as you come back. cant you see how much i love you? i just want your love. the love i used to have. never for once i took it for granted. never for once i betray your love.

why cant u just listening what i have to say. answer my phone. im trying so hard to save a relationship that i know its possible to. but why cant u just listen? i already tell you that if we don meet feelings will fade. but you just wont listen and believe me. now like that, its not fair to me. but im the one who still tries to save it. im putting alot of my time and effort into it. cant u see? im going mad soon. everyday, every minute im thinking of this over and over. i just want you to come back to me after 19th may. is that alot to ask for? forget the past. if you still love/like me, come back to me. i'll make sure we'll be back in love in no time. like what we used to be.

Yakusoku.010304.Promise

2005-05-06T01:53:00.000-07:00

Yakusoku.010304.

you wrote on 10th march 2005
Darling!,
Hee! i missed you.. 1 yr 2gether le, duno why im writing tis leh, but jus wana write leh.. muack.. love you.. la.. la.. hope u lyk my spagh.. Ngek x 7!! Beary, notti! hee.. i've been a good and faithful hammy, don u tnk u should reawrd me? Mayb i always have broke yr heart by keep wanting 2 leave you.. sorry! TRY not 2 do it le.. hee.. But mouth say only.. hrt don mean it de.. Im notti & lil by nature ma.. realised now im getting more & more femine! Wanna be mrs Beary, haha.. Miss u evertime you are out of my sight.. OK, i wan go hiber in wood shavings le.. huai bi.

On my birthday you wrote
Dearest Darling,
Happy Birthday!, Some ppl walk in & out of our life, But some just leave footprints, too deep an impression 2 b erased... and that person is you... i love u Darling since 1st march2004 and i always will.

One part of what you wrote on 19/8/2004 Thursday
(190804) i pledge my lov 2 you 4 always.. 4 the beta or 4 worse, until death do us part. Our hrt wil blend into one heart. You & i will always b the reality tat dreams do come true. All my life i hav dreamed of u, nw my soul is at peace 4ever 4 u r here finally.

You wrote this on 30th may 04
Dearest Beary, Yay! So happy.. can c u tml.. in a few short hours. wee.. tuesday we r 2gether 4 3mths le.. yeh bored now.. got nth 2 do. decided 2 keep my mind working.. wrote some poems 4 u.. i was walking one day sad and depressedeverything was upside downi saw someone whoo cheered meup with his touchin smileand suppressed mylingering sadnessgiving me a sense of securityit was w/o doubt lov @ 1st sightand i was reluctant 2 let an angel go passi want u 2 know tat person is.. you..
dun walk infront of me,i may not followdun walk behind mei may not leadjust walk beside meand b my lov 4ever.
if tomorrow nv comes, i just wanted u 2 know the way i feel 4 u, 2gether or not you always were and always will be in my heart 2 stay.if tomorrow nv comes, i want u 2 know every minute spent in ur arms was a tiny taste of heaven.if tomorrow nv comes, i want u 2 know in times we ere apart i longed 2 drown in the love i found in ur eyes.if tomorrow nv comes, and i dun get 2 say gdbye,remember my love 4 u and dun question why.if tml nv comes, and i duh get 2 tell u tis.i jus know tat i will forever be dreaming of your kiss.

One part that you wrote this on 1st July 11.57pm
Miss you darling.. sob reali very scared.. that when my sch reopen.., not much time 4 you.. den you will feel neglected.. den we'll grow/drift apart.. den in the end.. not 2gether anymore.. haiz.. hope it will neva comes.
thats what you wrote. this is the right thinking, but what are you thinking now? like u said, we'll grow/drift apart if we dont meet. i have faith in you. thats why i waited for your exams to be over. but why did u let go? after so long. we've been together, my parents treat you lyk their daughter in law. once my father told me that "when ppl get things too easily, in the end they'll neglect it without noticing because they got it too easily." now i finally understand, thats why i always never let you go. once i got you, i'll neva let go. because you're the one i truly love. the one i only yearn for. from hating me to love me. thats what you told me. what can be more worst than that? i know in the past i've did wrong. but cant you give me another reason to say you don love me anymore? take it as i dun know, can you forgive. don take break up as your game. you said you gave me enuff chance, silence is because you compromise. if you return, i promise i'll walk this life till the end wif you.

i always love you joycelynn. everyone knows that. i just want you back to my side. days are long without you. every night i cant slp. i have to resort to drinking to make myself drunk in order to sleep. i cant seems to cry anymore, because the hurt is so much more painful that as if its bleeding in my heart. yesterday when i was drinking, i could hear my heartbeat, and i know it is still pumping for you. only you. joycelynn chung. i saw your friendster profile, do you miss the days we were together? but why your status still married? does that mean you'll be back after the exams? i've been dreaming the past 2 daes. im too stressed up now. so stressed up that my parents don even want to nag at me. as if they gave up on me. 5 of my best friends can testify that i had never betray you and i always love you. even they know i give you the best of everything. some of them are even jealous bout what i gave you. 3 days passed. 3 days i almost didnt sleep. keep wake up upon dreaming of you. and i'll cry. nights seem so long. days last forever. no matter what you are in other ppl's eyes, i'll still love you as much. even if the whole world gave up hope on us, you'll still be in my heart. as long as its still pumping. im drinking again. XO Remy Martin that was left over from yesterday night. its raining heavily now, i felt that as if my love for you has touched the gods in heavens. how could i live without you? how could i ever gonna survive?

Will I always be there for you?When you need someone, Will I be that one you need?Will I do all my best to, to protect you?When the tears get near your eyesWill I be the one that's by your side? Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night?Will I keep the rain from falling down into your light?I promise, I promiseI promise I will.
my brother sang this song afew days ago..two little lazy birds seating on the wall,fly away justin, fly away brian.come back justin, come back brian.hais.the rain cant seems to stop. its making me sobber even more. right down into the core of me. its so heavy that as if the gods are telling me, andre, your love is truly too great, that it touched the gods hearts.yesterday i watch love hina once again. Christmas Edition. Episode 26. people in Japan believe that on the eve of Christmas, if someone confessed to another, they will fall in love. everyday im with you, its a lil confession i made to you. reading the letters you wrote to me. brought tears into my eyes. life cant seems to move on without you. life just stoped. how i hope it will pause here, and by the time it continues back on, we're back together. thats what i pray for. i cant accept another one. i simply cant. my heart is telling me it only accepts love from you. i can hear it now. i lock myself up in my room everyday. crying most of the time. like what i wrote in the poem.sitting down in one corner,feeling sad and extreme sobber.crying in the silence of the night,grasping for the touch of your love.

since that day, everyday i asked myself. what shld i do? everything i thought of doing cant seems to start. and once again i'll find myself infront of my computer doing nothing. starring on the blank screen or looking out the window for long periods of time. i've send dozens of msgs but you didnt reply. for what i did for you isnt loving enough? once my mom told me, love can be the food. i believe her. these three days i cant seem to eat anything. yesterday i only ate one piece of pizza made by my maid. drank tons of liquior and XO. it was inside burning me. but whats that compared to the hurt i got? hais. without your love. i cant survive. a thunder just rang up. as if the gods are asking me not to give up. i really hope so. may god bless all.

My love has left.

2005-05-05T02:28:00.000-07:00

hais. shi lian. broke up le. 1years 2months 4days. it ended like this. why does it have to end like this? this isnt what i wish for.. what i need is just your love.. didnt i do enuff? i gave you everything i could offer. my love, my time. i never betray you, never once i fell in love with another lady.. seasons change, feelings change, people change. this is what you told me.. but why me? why did feelings suddenly fade? i dont know.. what i know was we seldom meet since april. you told me you don love me as much, but i didnt mind. i don mind your parents don treat me as your bf. as long as i love you, can le.. its more than enuff.. i cant stop missing you.. every now and then i think of you. it really hurts. why leave me? when i needed you most? i just wanna know.. did you fall for another guy? or like you said, you're bored of me? hais. sigh.. don i even stand a place in your heart now? all i wish for is you to come back to me and love me again.. was it an excuse to leave me, or is it that im not interesting to you anymore? looking back to the past, we smiled sweetly together, loving each other so much, that we cant leave each other. is it really that true love never has an ending? or is it another myth been past down the centuries? the letters you wrote to me, i'll keep it till the day im gone. the presents you gave me, and on top of that, AJ, i'll keep it safe, not letting it go. cause you're my truly first love. you touched my heart.i still miss you. i'll never forget the love you got for me. the times we gone tru together. thick and thin. broke up 6 times. patched back in the end.
Only for you.
holding my tears in my eyes,i began typing these lines.hear from what i going to say,about this love thats fragile.
Never i thought of breaking,A little would sent me off shaking.Vision the sight of losing you,It would create a series of cries.
knowing our love might come to and end,i could find nothing but myself to venge.Tears rolling down my cheeks so fast,than i am able to frust.
sitting down in one corner,feeling down and extreme sobber,crying in the silence of the night,grasping for the touch of love.
looks is not what i want,god please grant me the love i yearn for.tell me why do i deserve such punishment,god please hear my prayers.
loving you with my energy deep within me,losing you would meant death to me,and thats the only thing i could think.
for countless times you nearly left me,but everytime you're back to me.would this time be like the same in the past?or would it be just a memory of a past in future?
all i want is everlasting,hating every existence of neverlasting.never a thing will be everlasting,if you believe in neverlasting.
the truth i wont know,till the day it beholds.
PS: Dear, all i want to tell you is that, i love you. this poem is made for you. Keep this no matter what happens.
Loving you
Andre/Beary boi
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I PromiseWill I always be there for you?
When you need someone, Will I be that one you need?
Will I do all my best to, to protect you?
When the tears get near your eyes
Will I be the one that's by your side?
Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night?
Will I keep the rain from falling down into your light?
I promise, I promise
I promise I will
Will I take tender care of you?
Take your darkest night and make it bright for you
Will I be there to make you strong and to lean on?
When this world has turned so cold
Will I be the one that's there to hold?
Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night?
Will I keep the rain from falling down into your light?
I promise, I promise
I promise I will
Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night?
Will I keep the rain from falling down into your light?
I promise, I promise
I promise I will
Yeah
And I love you more every day
And nothing will take that love away
When you need someone
I promise I'll be there for you (there for you)
I promise
Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night?
Will I keep the rain from falling down into your light?
I promise, I promise
I promise I will
And I promise (and I promise)
I promise (oh I promise you)
I will be there when you call me (when you call me)
I promise (I promise)

I promise I willI still love you Joycelynn Chung Pei Ting. You're my first true love. I'll remember you till the day i die. I love you.